Spiritual NoFap

Dear friends,

I trust you are staying beautiful. :)

Events this weekend:


May 22, 2020

I am listening to Kanye West again. When I listen to his music I feel the daemon bursting out of him. I have been talking with a lot of women lately who I find attractive, who are plugged into intellectual circles, and who want to help out with the Stoa. I feel they were intimidated talking to me, and the ones who were practiced in authentic relating, confessed they were indeed intimidated. 

I was having an authentic conversation with one who I find especially attractive, and she said she was intimidated by me because she thought I was a larger than life figure. This made my ego sing of course, but it also filled me with deep existential loneliness. But for the sake of this journal I will let the ego sing for a while. That dragon energy is coming online now and I desire to risk appearing like an asshole.

I know damn well y'all feeling this shit

I don't need your pussy, bitch, I'm on my own dick

I ain't gotta power trip, who you going home with?

I was talking to somebody else the other day, who rolls with the Rationalist communities here in Toronto, and I conveyed to her I sensed she controls the conversational tempo around men in her circles with ease. I sensed she also can wrap men around her finger in these spaces.

Men, who are drawn to ideas, and drawn to talk about them with others, usually do not have great emotional fluency. They also have no game, not to mention metagame. I find women in these spaces are often really smart, and often smarter than the men. They also have an unfair advantage in the interpersonal skills department given that women usually have greater emotional fluency.

And if the woman is even somewhat attractive, she’ll be trippin’ off that power in no time. But they cannot do that with me, and the alluring lady I was talking to agreed. I am different, and my brother Daniel is as well. It is difficult to wrap a Stoic around your finger, but I am very impressed at the audacity of attempts.

If you can speak the language of the body, that ape shit, and the language of the felt-senses, that feels shit—and if you can speak the multitudinous perspectival languages in the noosphere by passing those ideological Turing tests—then you can see through a lot of games at play. Games are fun, but they are not fun, or virtuous, when the play is wildly asymmetrical. Steven Lukes Three Faces of Power is coming to mind. I’ll paraphrase it and repurpose it directly to interpersonal dynamics:

Face 1 is the issue. This game is usually played in the realm of propositions. People who can win arguments, or appear they can by signalling they are smart, have power in this domain.

Face 2 is the agenda. Who controls the agenda controls what is talked about. In formal meetings this is obvious, but in the interpersonal wild, agendas are at play as well. This is the frame that the conversation is housed in, and frame is king.

Face 3 is the ideology. The agenda is influenced by the ideology at play. This is why it is important to become intimate with all the reality tunnels at play in the noosphere. Not only on a propositional level, but on a felt-sense level as well.

A good metagamer has his eyes on all of these faces, and good metagamers have the metacommunicative chops to speak to them. Sociopaths do as well, by the way, but a metagamer is not playing to gain power for its own sake, they are playing for something much more difficult and rewarding. Plus metagamers need to have access to the Holy Spirit to play in the first place.

If you are playing for something else, something beautiful, you do not want asymmetry to sit for too long. You want to level-set with intentions at each level. This is why the philosophical relationship, one I have often experienced with my brother Andrew, is so beautiful. Being in dialogos is one heaven of a drug.

Circling back to pretty ladies, my new friend Maybe Gray, is coming to The Stoa next week to discuss OnlyFans and raw sexuality. I find her hot, and looking at her, my body wants to get hijacked by her body. My body does not get hijacked, of course, because I am a Stoic, and a Stoic can hold a lot of tension. She knows what she is doing, and has a meta-awareness of what she is doing as well, which makes her even hotter.

I have no idea what this OnlyFans thing is, but apparently men give money to pretty girls for being pretty. I understand that a metamodern woman needs to make a buck during a meta-crisis, and our world is full of dysfunctional relational dynamics, so I have no desire to criticize anyone hustling in this environment.

I do feel cringe, annoyance, and anger throughout my body when I think of heterosexual men paying money to see and fap to a video of a pretty girl touching her nipple while whistling like a siren or some shit. I have not fapped in over five years, and I suspect my ridiculously high levels of thumos has something to do with this fact.

I'm reminded of that quote from Fight Club: Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction… I am probably closer to being a sex-positive feminist than you may think, but I think men need to stop jerking off, in all ontological domains. Stop trying to improve yourself, you spiritual beta males, and start setting your self on fire.

Women do not want to fuck a man who cannot set his self on fire, and they definitely do not want to fuck a man who faps to exclusive content.


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