Too Weird
Tomorrow’s events:
Stoic Breath: Sunrise Edition w/ Steve Beattie. Every Monday @ 6:15 AM ET.RSVP here.
What Get's Left Behind in Hallway of Hallways w/ Nora Bateson. November 9th, 16th, 23rd, and 30th. 10:00 AM ET. RSVP here. 75 mins.
Stoic Provocations: If We Keep Telling Ourselves Stories We Are Fucked w/ Michael Smith. November 9th @ 12:00 PM. RSVP here.
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November 8, 2020
I wrote an entry today that I was going to call “Women.”
It was about my attraction to women, and for me it felt spicy, maybe too spicy. It was very personal, and getting so personal on the internet is starting to feel weird, maybe too weird. I decided against releasing it.
We had a “Getting Senseful With the Steward” session at The Stoa earlier today. It was nice and it had sweet moments, but I feel a vulnerability afterglow. This is making me question why I am being so truthful here.
Byung-Chul Han is coming to mind, along with his thoughts on “pornographication.” From The Agony of Eros:
The pornographication of the world is unfolding as the profanation of the world. Porn profanes the erotic.
Yep. Here is another one from Han, this time from In the Swarm: Digital Prospects:
Respectful interaction presupposes a distanced look—the pathos of distance. Today, it is yielding to the obtrusive staring of spectacle. The Latin verb spectare, from which spectacle derives, is voyeuristic gazing that lacks deferential consideration—that is, respect (respectare). Distance is what makes respectare different from spectare. A society without respect, without the pathos of distance, paves the way for the society of scandal.
Yep again. For genuine respect to emerge, some distance needs to be respected. The spectacle pornifies our lives. I sense my journals, and the earnest truthfulness they contain, will just be consumed in the spectacle like everything else.
A desire is emerging to resist this, and to put up some walls, and earn my privacy back. I am on Zoom way too much, and I do not want my life to become fused with The Stoa. I want to spend more time with Camille, my parents, and my “offline” friends. I want some Peter time as well. I like going on walks by myself, to allow for my mind to wander wherever it wants to wander.
Somebody at today’s meeting said they really liked my transparency. I do not know if I want to be so transparent anymore. All of this feels too weird, and I think I will give myself a moment to get into the right relationship with this feeling.
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