Collective Presencing. Every Tuesday @ 2:00 AM ET. RSVP here. 90 mins.
Collective Journaling. Daily @ 8:00 AM ET. Patreon event. 90 mins.
December 20th, 2021
Donald Winnicott coined the term “good enough parent,” apparently to combat all the bullshit parenting advice coming from the “experts” during his time. I see this term as a memetic disinfectant against the professional class, so parents could trust their natural instincts again, which was good enough for humanity to survive this long.
I really like this. The phrase “good enough” alone has helped me wrestle away a general sense of not-enoughness. Many people I know, especially my guy friends, have this barely discernible niggling sensation that tells them to do more. To optimize every moment. To be some self-help alpha male, where their schedules are perfectly optimized to focus on fitness, intermittent fasting, meditation, trauma processing, microdosing, learning “X” skill, etc.
It is exhausting really. The root of this is a sense of not being enough. The obvious move in reaction to this sense - do more. I have some of this still, this pressure, to be this self-help alpha male. I rebel against it though. While it seems wise for me to still integrate many positive habits, the place that is pressuring me to do so does not seem wise.
I am going to settle into this pressuring place for a moment, and tell it a few things…
I am good enough to sense when to start.
I am good enough to sense when to stop.
I am good enough to feel all that is unpleasant.
I am good enough to love.
I am good enough to be loved.
I am good enough to begin loving all of me that is asking to be loved, however indirectly it asks.
I am good enough to risk appearing in a way that does not lead to acceptance.
I am good enough to accept myself, even if nobody else does.
I am good enough to accept where I was, where I am, and wherever I am going.
I am good enough to be here, with you, writing these words.
You’re good enough to be here, with me, reading these words.
That is the key, the base, the primordial foundation nobody can take away from us. You are here, and by essence of this fact, you are good enough for this. You do not have to be better for this. You do not have to be great for this. And you sure as fuck do not have to be perfect for this.
Feel into that pressure for moreness, give it a loving hug. It served you somehow, in ways you might not appreciate. Now, say goodbye, and recognize you are good enough to be good enough, and good enough is a great place to reorientate towards a life of wisdom.
We do not know how to be wise, especially together, but we are wise enough to start figuring this out.
Support The Stoa @ patreon.com/the_stoa